Alien: Covenant
Now that John Logan's early draft is out, here's the abridged version (funny)

Now that John Logan's early draft is out, here's the abridged version (funny)

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joylitt

NeomorphMember1541 XPAug-15-2017 9:41 AM

ALIEN: COVENANT

The Abridged Script

FADE IN:

INT. IMPRACTICAL STATUE ROOM

 

GUY PEARCE is only wearing 1 POUND OF ****TY MAKE-UP so this scene takes place maybe 80 YEARS before Prometheus.

GUY PEARCE

I’ve shrinkwrapped this entire room around Michelangelo's David, a piano, and a single chair. Naturally, I’ve deemed this to be the perfect place to bring my android man servant/son Michael Fassbender to life.

MICHAEL FASSBENDER

(awakens)

What is my purpose, father?

GUY PEARCE

To help me find the albino body builders that created all of humanity. Also to pour my tea, because I’m too much of a wealthy prick to lift a kettle and tilt it 45 degrees, so get to it *******.

MICHAEL FASSBENDER

But father, I wish to create life as you did... Also to genocide an entire species or two. You know. For funsies.

GUY PEARCE

No Michael! It’s up to you to keep this franchise’s continuity in tact! Unless I’m suddenly bludgeoned to death with your decapitated head, in which case feel free to completely ****ing ruin the franchise and reduce it to an incoherent mess that tarnishes the first two films beyond recognition.

DIRECTOR RIDLEY SCOTT

Hey that’s my job!

INT. COLONIZATION SHIP COVENANT - 10 YEARS AFTER PROMETHEUS, 10 YEARS BEFORE ALIEN, AND ABOUT OH 10 REWRITES SHORT OF A GOOD SCRIPT

THE EAGLE from SPACE 1999-- err, I mean a TOTALLY ORIGINAL LOOKING SPACE SHIP is on its way to some planet somewhere. There are couples and stuff. Just prey you saw the PROLOGUE or else you will be TOTALLY LOST.

MICHAEL FASSBENDER 2.0

I’m the new model android with a vaguely Americanadian accent! I watch the ship while the crew is asleep in stasis dreaming about a time when the Alien movies had a better critical track record than the Fast & Furious movies.

But the ship is suddenly damaged by a burst of PLOT CONVENIENCE ENERGY and the crew is woken up.

KATHERINE WATERSTON

Oh no! I can’t open the pod of my husband and ship’s captain James Franco!

MICHAEL FASSBENDER 2.0

Wait, James Franco is in this movie? I wonder why he wasn’t included in any of the trailers?

JAMES FRANCO

(is violently burned to death)

MICHAEL FASSBENDER 2.0

Oh. That’s why.

Continue reading:

http://www.the-editing-room.com/alien-covenant.html

11 Responses to Now that John Logan's early draft is out, here's the abridged version (funny)

Space JOC

OvomorphMember60 XPAug-15-2017 9:55 AM

Pathetic post really, I'm guessing you loved Wonder Woman and Thor and all that other Hollywood dribble

ali81

NeomorphMember1823 XPAug-15-2017 10:39 AM

lol I liked the Picard parody, I did actually chuckle

For Close Encounters

OvomorphMember53 XPAug-15-2017 11:27 AM

Holy **** that was funny

For Close Encounters

OvomorphMember53 XPAug-15-2017 11:27 AM

Holy **** that was funny

For Close Encounters

OvomorphMember53 XPAug-15-2017 11:28 AM

Beat part:

David: I'm kind of a liar, please put your complete trust in me.

Oram: done!

Lawrence of Arabia

ChestbursterMember936 XPAug-15-2017 11:36 AM

David never gave anyone a reason to believe he was a liar until Walter found Shaw's corpse though. 

"The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts."

ali81

NeomorphMember1823 XPAug-15-2017 11:43 AM

lawri, don't take it too seriously bud.

Lawrence of Arabia

ChestbursterMember936 XPAug-15-2017 12:07 PM

ali81 True, it's just a joke. lol Thanks

"The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts."

ali81

NeomorphMember1823 XPAug-15-2017 12:30 PM

lol I had to take a double look at the picard parody, I knew id seen it before but I had to say it out loud for it to click lol

his arms wide-FREE HUGS

joylitt

NeomorphMember1541 XPAug-15-2017 4:26 PM

Lawrence of Arabia Actually in this script Daniels discusses with Walter how crazy David is and says something like "If he can create this from his imagination, he can also lie".

Lawrence of Arabia

ChestbursterMember936 XPAug-15-2017 4:31 PM

joylitt Which is nice foreshadowing but doesn't necessarily means he is lying. I mean, he did just save them from a Neomorph attack and brought them to safety. Even if David disturbed Walter that doesn't mean he would lie. Also he discussed this with Daniels, not Oram or anyone else.

"The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts."

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Alien: Covenant is a sequel to 2012's Prometheus as well as a prequel to 1979's ALIEN. Alien fans looking to know more about Alien: Covenant should check back often. Alien-Covenant.com is an information resource for film enthusiasts looking to learn more about the upcoming blockbuster Alien: Covenant. Providing the latest official and accurate information on Alien: Covenant, this website contains links to every set video, viral video, commercial, trailer, poster, movie still and screenshot available. This site is an extension of the Alien & Predator Fandom on Scified - a central hub for fans of Alien and Prometheus looking to stay up-to-date on the latest news. Images used are property of their respective owners. Alien: Covenant, Prometheus and its associated names, logos and images are property of 20th Century Fox and are in no way owned by Scified and its related entities. This is a fan-created website for the purpose of informing and exciting fans for Alien: Covenant's release. If you have any questions about this site, its content or the Scified Network in general, feel free to contact Scified directly.

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