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PARATARUS

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ummester

OvomorphMember0 XPMay-25-2013 9:16 AMHi all, I posted in a thread about Prometheus 2 having no story a short time ago but I can't seem to find the thread now? Anyway, I have been working on a sequel script for Prometheus and it is now complete. If anyone would like to read it, the mediafire link is: [url=http://www.mediafire.com/download/0q3vg88mixhtnjs/PARATARUS.pdf]Link Here...[/url]
25 Responses to PARATARUS

ummester

OvomorphMember0 XPMay-26-2013 9:27 AMA little bit about the script, My primary aim was to try and pull the events of Prometheus back in line with the tone set by Alien. It is a direct sequel to Prometheus. It was written for a competition on another fan site. I ended up getting more engrossed with the writing than I thought I would and the final result and ideas were better than I expected. Anyone who has tried their hand at writing know's it doesn't often happen, as we tend to be our own worst critics:) As it came out better than I thought it would, I decided to share it with as many Prometheus and Alien fans as I could. Any reasonable crtitism is very welcome, cheers

KJaeger

OvomorphMember0 XPMay-27-2013 7:28 PMA lot of interesting ways to continue some of the plot points used in "Prometheus". I particularly liked the callback to the scene of the Sacrifice Engineer. I'm not sure the reincarnation type stuff and the telepathy works well within the "Alien" universe although the reincarnation/reassembly + sacrifice does tie in well with the general theme of "Prometheus". Technical-wise: - The three concurrent story strands would probably be a problem in a film. You did manage a bit of bridging between the parallel story-lines well, I just think the audience's attention would a bit divided and distracted with the frequent shifting. - Some audience members would probably feel cheated when they found out where Paradise was located. - The story-line with Abe et al. is kind of long. The overall script would probably be too long for a two hour movie, in my non-expert opinion. - I think that maybe the amount of scene description would probably be too much for an actual script but maybe its necessary for reading this kind of thing online where its kind of a mix of script and story. It was a nice read, ummester, with many interesting approaches for a "Prometheus" sequel. You obviously spent a lot of time and effort on it. Thanks for putting it up.

Custodian

OvomorphMember0 XPMay-28-2013 1:43 AMUmmester, wonder if you've all missed me on 'that other site' since I've been unable to log in. Maybe I spoke of Space Truckers or Fifty Meter Gods too much. LOL at me. :) Now, to read your script...
2013 sci-fi horror novels 'Custodian' and 'Tandem' available from Amazon, B&N, iTunes etc...

Custodian

OvomorphMember0 XPMay-28-2013 2:58 AMwow, from Page 80 it gets REAL INTERESTING... you've done some amazing thinking here, Shane. Yes, I read it all. You might also want to read a novel by Whitley Strieber called THE GRAYS which also explores the idea that mankind can be used as some sort of vessel for a dying race. And of course, it's the basis for the Stargate movie/series, as I've already expressed on the Prometheus-that-became subject. Thought I like your 'thoughts' in this P2 script I'm still of the opinion that only a total reboot of the Alien film franchise will help heal the wounds inflicted by Cameron's lone-xeno-abandoning i.e. Giger-canon-breaking, spectacular thrill ride. :)
2013 sci-fi horror novels 'Custodian' and 'Tandem' available from Amazon, B&N, iTunes etc...

ummester

OvomorphMember0 XPMay-28-2013 6:12 AMkj & Custodian, thanks for your responses On specific points: kj, amount of description - it's my first script, I'm used to trying novels:) I did think there may have been too much in some of the 'Paradise' scenes but the sets were difficult to convey. I may go over these to see if I can simplify the description. Heracles crew storyline - I'm not sure how much run time that would convert into either. I tried to tighten it as much as possible and am unsure what scenes could be removed at this stage to keep the character motivations in tact. Multiple story threads - I have found more adult orientated films and shows do this, whereas the more generic family blockbusters try less often. I'm open to the idea that the jumps between story threads could be less frequent as it was something I was thinking about when writing and formatting. Feeling cheated by Paradise is one of the main points:) So I am glad I got that right. The idea was to give the reader/viewer a kind of direct insight into what Shaw must be feeling/had to learn. Custodian, It's supposed to heat up in the final act. I was trying to follow the beats of Prometheus but present a third act that moved fully into ideas of hopelessness and horror. I wanted to try and set the story and character motivations up properly for the ending, something I feel Alien did quite well that I was trying to emulate in some ways. Re the Stargate/Grays comparissions I do appreciate there are some similarities but it isn't the whole point. Just read the dialogue between Shaw and the Creator again and David's following commentary on the Engineers - it's about vessels and purpose (or lack thereof:)), but not a dying race.

ummester

OvomorphMember0 XPMay-28-2013 6:15 AMOh, kj I am unsure about re-incarnation and telepathy also. If I removed anything, it would be those things. Or rather, one of those things. I think a single idea would play better by itself - probably just the re-incarnation. I still wanted the concurrent event as it occurs with Shaws conversation with the creator - a kind of visualisation of what the creator is talking about. I wasn't certain how else to achieve that scene and human characters understanding some of the Deacon's more obscure motivations. Any suggestions are welcome. Finally, Custodian, One of the other reasons for me posting the script on both sites is that I did want to get the opinions of posters such as yourself and kj who no longer post the other site.

KJaeger

OvomorphMember0 XPMay-28-2013 9:12 AMI thought the reincarnation was an interesting way to bring more (semi-)human characters back into the story since only Shaw was the only human left at the end of "Prometheus" but then the Heracles characters were introduced. I wonder if more couldn't have been done with the reincarnated Vickers and Holloway, maybe interacting with Shaw/David or with the Creator thing. Maybe Shaw could witness their sacrifice?

Custodian

OvomorphMember0 XPMay-28-2013 2:42 PMUmm~ no longer ALLOWED to post on the other site, well or their GoogleLogin is just plain broken. Do they even know? ;)
2013 sci-fi horror novels 'Custodian' and 'Tandem' available from Amazon, B&N, iTunes etc...

ummester

OvomorphMember0 XPMay-29-2013 5:56 AMkj, The design process for the plot was kind of odd. Prometheus ended in a difficult place to continue from:) The first thing I wrote and knew the tone of was Shaw's dialogue with the Creator. But that isn't a story - just a third act reveal:) Then I designed the intro. I considered just the re-incarnated characters chasing Shaw to Paradise but each way I tried to plot it felt silly. Deacon buddies or other Engineer buddies - it was just childish and wasn't the tone I was aiming for. Then I knew the Deacon had to go to make way for a new monster - hence the Heracles. I'm really considerring now, that without the telepathy, it would play better. I also considered not having the re-incarnated characters speak and only seeing them in the opening scene and the dialogue with the creator scene. I do like the opening scene - I like the way in mirrors Prometheus also.

Fleshvessel

OvomorphMember1 XPMay-29-2013 3:22 PMGotta hand it to you- that was definitely enjoyable. I really like having more than one David model in the mix, that certainly works for me. The telepathic Deacon, yeah we could lose that, but it wasnt a deal breaker -this is by far one of the most readable and exciting screenplays i have seen here. (Yours too, Noob) I agree a trillion times on the revelation that we were merely a stepping stone to The Perfect Organism- this plays so well off of Alien and i love what it says about our vanity and about Religion. All in all- a really great read!! If you do any re-writes i will be first in line. Stick with it- you really have a talent for this stuff, and i like that you made it your own.
THETRICKISNOTMINDINGITHURTS

ummester

OvomorphMember0 XPMay-29-2013 5:46 PMThanks Fleshvessel, really like your handle, BTW:) I've previously been a novel writer but seeing as I watch more film than reads books now, I thought it might be more appropriate to try screen writing. Yes, that revelation seems the most fitting when we consider the events of Alien and Prometheus, doesn't it.

FREEZE!

OvomorphMember0 XPMay-29-2013 9:02 PMKudos ummester, enjoyed the read. Your metering did remind me of Prometheus as you stated it would, just wished you stepped out towards the limb at times more than you did. All in all proper sequel. Thanks for sharing!
[url=http://www.madmax4-movie.com/]Visit the Mad Max: Fury Road Forums today![/url]

ummester

OvomorphMember0 XPMay-30-2013 6:40 AMThanks for taking the time to read and commenting Freeze! Any particular areas you would have liked to have seen pushed more out on a limb?

shambs

OvomorphMember40 XPMay-30-2013 9:11 PMI really liked Stone and Abe and your idea about the Deacon is refreshing. Thanks for sharing.

ummester

OvomorphMember0 XPMay-31-2013 8:41 PMThanks Shambala. Others have mentioned they did enjoy Abe's character. Stone isn't getting as much love:) I guess Stone is harder to get into, as she may seem initially manipulative but she is a fairly heroic character, just kind of flawed by her admiration of Abe and love of Zac.

ummester

OvomorphMember0 XPMay-31-2013 8:41 PMThanks Shambala. Others have mentioned they did enjoy Abe's character. Stone isn't getting as much love:) I guess Stone is harder to get into, as she may seem initially manipulative but she is a fairly heroric heroic character, just kind of flawed by her admiration of Abe and love of Zac.

deadinspace

OvomorphMember0 XPJun-07-2013 6:46 PMHey UMMESTER, Just wanted to let you know I'm not comin' back to the old forum. Got banned for a week and called a jealous, butthurt, unsuccessful ****wit by Jonsey cat pants (or something like that), so if you need my feedback in the future, I'll respond to it through PM, but I'm done getting called names by the sheeple. KJ sent me a PM but I was in the middle of responding to it when I got banned. So if you wanna deliver this message, feel free... KJ, I get what your saying about Jonsey trying to keep things from escalating, but the reason I disgree is because it's the second time he's called me a troll AFTER the tension died down. And as you can see from his ban message, I wasn't that far off. I have the option of returning, but there's really no point. In any case, tell the others like Ramp and terraformer it was good talking to them. Prom News is the place where intelligent conversation, and constructive criticism gets harangued right before it goes to die. Later.

ummester

OvomorphMember0 XPJun-07-2013 9:16 PMhey dead, yea it's getting bad over there. I made this post following your unfair suspension and wrote to the site owner. [i]What the hell has happened to this place?[/i] [i][/i] [i]Once, it was gatherring for creative fans of Sci Fi and fantasitic cinema. Posters that could have contentious discussion whilst playing the ball and not each other. Posters who could think abstractly enough to see beyond their own POV and learn something in the process.[/i] [i][/i] [i]Now it seems a place of quibbles and favourites, with moderation lowered to that standard - of individual literal interpretation without growth.[/i] [i][/i] [i]Perhaps this is all Prometheus has done in a year. The deeper you dig, the less substance there is, so the only substance that remains is the entitlement it inserts in the head's of some viewers.[/i]

deadinspace

OvomorphMember0 XPJun-08-2013 3:15 AMMy man, I don’t know what the sports equivalent of a home run in Australia would be, but you’ve certainly hit one here. One question, though. When was this purported time where Prometheus News wasn’t a place of quibbles, entitlements, and moderators playing favorites??? It wasn’t three months ago. Christ, it wasn’t even eight months ago. But yeah, you’d think it would be shocking when you see the people who run a site lower themselves to the level of its subsequent parts, but in the end, you realize that they’re just people too--equipped with the same cantankerous, petty grievances that your average fanboy is going to have.

deadinspace

OvomorphMember0 XPJun-08-2013 3:26 AM Do me a favor, though. Since I'm not the least bit interested in going back there, I'd like you to post my response to Jonesy in the thread where he banned me. Personally, I could care less what their response is going to be, but his cowardly hit-and-run was bull**** enough to be owed a retort. You can preface it saying I'm not coming back in a week and that I asked you to deliver this final message. Make sure it's spaced the way I broke the paragraphs so the idiots can easily follow along. As follows: ------------------ Jonesy, On the subject that’s very much related to what “gets really ****ing boring to read,” you should probably know that the rationale and assumption of me being some type of “butthurt writer jealous of Lindelof’s success” has been discussed in other threads where I’ve been trolled. So, for the sake of avoiding redundancy, perhaps you’d like to merge them. Not bad, though, Jonesy. I gave you an “F” for objectivity and self-control, but it was certainly an “A” in the category of vitriol. You can go on claiming that I’m combative and smug until your blue in the face. The bottom line is that you blatantly ignore causality and then attempt to absolve yourself of seeming biased by saying you’re “also critical of Prometheus.” A word of advice: If you’re going to claim to have the honest intension of fostering non-combative behavior, it’s probably a bad idea to personally start a thread inviting links to Prometheus rants. But it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why you would paint this dishonest picture of your intensions or mine. The fanboys who love this movie are your customers and I’m the guy pointing out the product’s shortcomings. So let’s just cut the bull**** about what’s really going on here. You’re a merchant, in the business of internet traffic. But for the record, the reason I called you out on your own board was because it was the SECOND TIME you decided to label me a troll--while conveniently looking the other way regarding others--AFTER everyone involved had very visibly let the disagreement go. And the reason I ignored you the first time was because I figured you were just having a bad day--like your dog died, or maybe your favorite English pub finally decided to season its food, or that you looked at this website and realized there was no humanly way to monetize it since the enduring legacy of Prometheus one year later is that not enough people are left to believe there’s a decent storyline to salvage amid the ruins. And before you say it, let me save you the time. People, including myself, WILL flock to theater, if for no other reason than to watch the sick patient flat-line and have its time of death confirmed. In any case, since I’ve decided to make this my final communication to this graveyard before YOU decide it, the only other thing worth addressing regarding your hit-and-run message is this… I FORGIVE YOU FOR IT. Despite being continually punched, kicked, kneed, tweaked and stabbed by posters (not that you noticed or anything), I’ve always refrained from calling anyone pathetically immature names like “****wit” and I’m not going to return you the favor by starting now. And that’s it—I’m out. When even the people who run the site begin to lose their equilibrium and stop acting dignified, it’s time to go. I’m not even browsing when the sequel comes, which I’m sure will be to the delight of several, or “many” if we go by your account. Best regards to all the great guys— Kjohnson, Ummester, Ramp, Terraformer, John Stark, Nick, Viscal, even those who quickly departed after release. Enjoy your lives to the fullest, don’t ever stay silent on mediocrity, and always remember to laugh at the devil as his train goes by. --deadinspace

deadinspace

OvomorphMember0 XPJun-08-2013 7:41 AM One last thing, Ummester. I'm not coming back to these boards either, so if the inmates running the asylum formerly known as Prometheus News want you to deliver me a message out of some misguided belief that they have any ground to stand on, tell 'em to save the keystrokes, because I'm not interested in anything else they have to say. Take care.

ummester

OvomorphMember0 XPJun-08-2013 9:19 AMI messaged you some stuff dead - check your inbox here.

Custodian

OvomorphMember0 XPJun-11-2013 4:49 AMOne 'corporate' mindset, [i]the other place[/i]. It's a real shame with characters like Carrot and yourself having such fun. Fun dies when Party Line-ism interferes. :)
2013 sci-fi horror novels 'Custodian' and 'Tandem' available from Amazon, B&N, iTunes etc...

ummester

OvomorphMember0 XPJun-11-2013 7:22 AMI think half the problem is that many of the discussions that can be had re Promethues have now played out in full Custodian - all that remains is bickerring. It would be good to keep this thread about thoughts on PARATARUS, ways to improve it, things you liked, things you didn't etc. I know I have occassionally added fuel to the fire (probably did by posting PARATARUS on both forums - though that was selfish, as I wanted as wide a range of views as possible), so I am not blaming anyone for having an opinion on other forums here, just suggesting it probably isn't the best thing to do. You can always PM me about other stuff.

Gelatinous_Cube

OvomorphMember0 XPDec-06-2013 9:55 PM

Sup, ummester, KJ, Custodian. : )

 

@ummester: I'll check out your script ASAP!

 

Edit: This is NickisSmart, btw.

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